Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
