There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
