THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
