So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
