nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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