just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is Oprah even human
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
