yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
