Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
