I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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