We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize