I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
