Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
