I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
