Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
