I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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