U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
