Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize