i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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