just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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