Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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