Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's the barista slut.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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