it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
