so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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