i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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