Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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