I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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