new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
