We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
