that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
