I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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