mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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