we made out on top of his cat.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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