we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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