I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
