Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
