I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
