"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
