summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
