90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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