somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize