Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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