Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
