Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize