Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
