You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
