Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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