my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
