ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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