I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
