All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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