One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
