in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
