and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
