apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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