my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize