sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
