Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
