Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
two words: eviction party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
