My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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