living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
