afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I came so hard my ears popped.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
