So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
