dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
