Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
