Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize