Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
