i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
