Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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